In Praise of Older Women

Ladies, I'm feeling somewhat celebratory of the Gender tonight, for no particular reason. I think we should all take a moment to revel in the coolness of women. And there is nothing cooler in my books than a woman who keeps it together as the 30s click ever closer to 40 and beyond.

Yes, there are cool older men out there too. I admit that salt and pepper hair on a good lookin' fella gets me right gooey. The spotty 20-somethings and their fat shoes and nervous jitters, not so much. A good middle-aged bod, crinkly crow's feet that dance when laughing, and a general amused acceptance aka maturity are sexy as hell, sez I. I'll take the song of experience over that of innocence any day.

After careful consideration, I'm also going to reject the argument that women get older, men get distinguished. I don't know many "distinguished" older men. I see many older men who have very little style, who have let their bodies go to ruin and who become buffoonish caricatures of themselves. They are invariably the one who ask probing questions like "Hot enough for ya?"

On the other hand, I eye a few men well into their 30s and 40s and beyond ("beyond" usually referring to people I shall never meet, like Jeremy Irons and Colm Feore, granted) and admire their conscious efforts to remain trim and attractive and more interesting as they age. It's inspiring. I don't see why it should be any different for us these days.

I'm lucky to have some great role models in my life as older women, namely a mother with a rockin' bod at 64, a youthful enthusiasm for life and a boyfriend many years her junior who happens to dote on her. I'm determined to get cooler as I get older. Seeing how I was a hilariously awkward teen, a rambunctious asshole in my 20s, and plain serious for the first half of my 30s, this should not be too hard.

Here are some of my thoughts on why cool women get cooler with time:

1. Personal grooming gets better as we recognize ugly truths.

Wandering around Canadian Tire some time ago, I came across a nose hair trimmer. I've always thought these things were for grandfathers. We've all had conversations with long waggling noses sprouting tufts of hair and topped with prawny eyebrows, and thought, jeesh, my dear fellow. Please. I keep expecting a tiny Colombian to come hacking out of there with a machete.

But I must accept that I too have nose hair, always have, and it doesn't trim itself. So I bought one without even a twinge of embarrassment, and now every so often I jam this little device up my nose and voila! no nose hairs stick out when I laugh. (Try it in the mirror, you may be surprised.) I also get my pubic hair ripped out periodically, as it's makes the cat much cleaner and yes, sexier, and get regular haircuts and teeth-cleaning and the like. These things I wantonly ignored when younger, bubbling over with heedless vigour, but now I actually find I like taking care of myself.

2. Physical fitness becomes serious business.

It's hard to get into good shape, and stay in it. It does get harder to both start and maintain as we get older. There are so many valid excuses and demands on our time. That's why when as older broads we get determined to get in shape, it becomes a jihad.

I don't let anything get in the way of my workouts these days. I'm terrified to slack and slide back to where I was even a year ago, which wasn't bad but wasn't great either. I know how quickly one can revert at this stage of life, so it has become a serious business. I've donated all clothes too large for me, no matter how lovely or expensive. I will break your fucking kneecaps if you attempt to stop me from a workout. Losing a pint in the period doesn't stop me, I drag my anemic ass through it regardless. Only sex or a great concert or travel obligations or an emergency will cause me to skip.

So why is this cool? Well, personally I find men who exercise regularly and have good bodies to be more attractive than ones who don't. I'm not talking muscleheads or guys who watch more hockey than they play, just men who take pride in their physical conditioning and abilities.

Finally, as we've usually stopped looking at air-brushed asses in fashion mags and have accepted that even women like Kate Moss and Natalie Portman sport some traces of cellulite, we can breathe a sigh of relief over our own imperfections and just focus on getting leaner and stronger and healthier.

3. Through our careers, we become more confident or at least relatable.

Confidence is a very attractive quality. Most of us have ben working now for over 20 years, and have some firm understanding of where our skills lie. Most of us are successful in our field, to a certain degree. And even if we are midpoint through a career shift or have concluded we are frauds who don't know what the fuck we are doing, our experience makes us relatable to others. I think this is pretty cool.

4. Sex is better, if you can get it with someone you want.

I don't know about you, but I was a bit of a slut as a youth. I'd make out with any guy who was reasonable and into me, and even guys who were unattractive but persistent. Often, alcohol was involved in decision-making. And the sex could be exciting in a holy-shit-whadafuck-am-I-doing kind of way, but it usually wasn't very memorable or all that orgasmic. Youth has an animalistic enthusiasm which is charming in its own right, but which I am happy to leave in the past in exchange for the present.

I think I'm better in bed than I was 20 or even 10 years ago. I pay attention now, and am not so shy in either my language or actions as I once was. Frankly, I'm also more demanding, and have greater expectations of both my partner and myself. I'm doing it singlemindedly for pleasure, not out of peer pressure or procreation or to make somebody love me. I take it for granted they at least like me if we're screwing, and we can only start from there. I don't think you can actually fall in love from sex, I think one has to be more patient and broad in one's understanding than this. But sex is an expression of affection, and a glorious thing at that.

This is not a shallow pleasure: feeling deeply connected as partners is a large part of the thrill. But it is still first and foremost pleasure, and I've finally accepted that is a fine basis on which to have sex.

Of course, as I don't drink + sex, and am fastidious in my choice of partner, it means the sex is not as frequent as I'd like. But I'm at an age where I can afford decent toys, and have many other things on the go, and so I still conclude This is better now. I make up for the lack of frequency with an intensity than borders on the psychopathic when it is within my grasp. Plus I have great dreams, and I've learned by now that sometimes, the dream is better.

On that note, this old broad is going to sleep her 9 hours now.
Hooray for us!

GR